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1. I do believe that when your child does poorly on a test, your first step should not necessarily be to attack the teacher or the school’s curriculum. It should be to look at the idea that, maybe, the child didn’t work hard enough.
2. Westerners often laud their children as ‘talented’ or ‘gifted’, while Asian parents highlight the importance of hard work. And in fact, research performed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that the way parents offer approval affects the way children perform, even the way they feel about themselves.
3. Kids raised to be pampered and spoiled don’t really end up being good leaders. Leaders need to be independent minded and confident.
4. Both of my girls have very high self-esteem because they were both able to master certain things; I should think that’s good for their confidence.
5. Once you get to the Enlightenment, the way that powers get to be hyperpowers isn’t just by conquest. It’s through commerce and innovation. Societies like the Dutch Republic and the United States used tolerance to become a magnet for enterprising immigrants.
6. I say ‘I love you’ to my daughters every day.
7. I was raised, myself, by extremely strict but also extremely loving Chinese immigrant parents. To this day, I believe that their having high expectations for me, coupled with love, was the greatest gift that anyone’s ever given me. And so that’s why, even though my husband is not Chinese, I try to raise my own two daughters the same way.
8. I really feel that most things are difficult at the beginning and they become fun, something you love, only after you’ve worked at them. Making children do something hard can, in the long run, be a great parental service.
9. I was the one that in a very overconfident immigrant way thought I knew exactly how to raise my kids. My husband was much more typical. He had a lot of anxiety; he didn’t think he knew all the right choices. And, I was the one willing to put in the hours.
10. There’s something suspicious about saying, ‘I’m just going to leave my child alone and let her pursue her passions.’ You know what? I think most 13-year-olds’ passion is sitting in front of the TV, or doing Facebook, or surfing the Internet for hours.
11. I’m a proud strict mom and, you know, I’m really proud of the two daughters I’ve raised. And I’m especially proud of my relationship with them. We’re very close. I think we’re good friends.
12. I do not think there was anything abusive in my house. Yet, I stand by a lot of my critiques of Western parenting. I think there’s a lot of questions about how you instill true self-esteem.
13. I think there are many ways to raise great kids. From what I can tell, Ayelet Waldman’s kids are interesting, strong, and happy, and if that’s the case, that’s good parenting.
14. I saw my parents come over. They were immigrants, they had no money. My dad wore the same pair of shoes, I had some ugly clothes growing up, and I never had any privileges. In some ways, I think the person that I am now, I think it’s good that I had that kind of tough upbringing.
15. You can’t invent Google, Facebook or the iPod unless you’ve mastered the basics, are willing to put in long hours and can pick yourself up from the floor when life knocks you down the first 10 times.
16. I’m a slave to my dogs and go out with them almost every day. They are poorly behaved if they don’t run. They really act up.
17. A lot of parents today are terrified that something they say to their children might make them ‘feel bad.’ But, hey, if they’ve done something wrong, they should feel bad. Kids with a sense of responsibility, not entitlement, who know when to experience gratitude and humility, will be better at navigating the social shoals of college.
18. I am definitely a Type A personality, always rushing around, trying to do too much, not good at just lying on the beach. But I’m so thankful for everything I have: wonderfully supportive parents and sisters, the best husband in the world, terrific students I love teaching and hanging out with, and above all, my two amazing daughters.
19. My children grew up with one Western parent. My husband doesn’t believe in raising his voice with the kids and we don’t spank. They were really raised in a half-Asian family.
20. I do think that maybe, even subconsciously, a lot of parents in the West are wondering, have we gone too far in the direction of coddling and protecting — you know, you see kids, sometimes that seem very rude and disrespectful. And the more important thing is they don’t seem that happy.