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1. When I say manage emotions, I only mean the really distressing, incapacitating emotions. Feeling emotions is what makes life rich. You need your passions.
2. In politics, readily dismissing inconvenient people can easily extend to dismissing inconvenient truths about them.
3. Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.
4. As a freshman in college, I was having a lot of trouble adjusting. I took a meditation class to handle anxiety. It really helped. Then as a grad student at Harvard, I was awarded a pre-doctoral traveling fellowship to India, where my focus was on the ancient systems of psychology and meditation practices of Asia.
5. Companies in the East put a lot more emphasis on human relationships, while those from the West focus on the product, the bottom line. Westerners appear to have more of a need for achievement, while in the East there’s more need for affiliation.
6. True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it.
7. Buying phosphate-free soap allows you to say, ‘My detergent doesn’t have the harsh chemicals others do.’ The question is, how are you washing with it? The very worst thing for the Earth about detergent is that we heat water to use it.
8. The other thing is that if you rely solely on medication to manage depression or anxiety, for example, you have done nothing to train the mind, so that when you come off the medication, you are just as vulnerable to a relapse as though you had never taken the medication.
9. If you are doing mindfulness meditation, you are doing it with your ability to attend to the moment.
10. I think the smartest thing for people to do to manage very distressing emotions is to take a medication if it helps, but don’t do only that. You also need to train your mind.
11. But there has also been a notable increase in recent years of these applications by a much wider slice of psychotherapists — far greater interest than ever before.
12. If you do a practice and train your attention to hover in the present, then you will build the internal capacity to do that as needed — at will and voluntarily.
13. I would say that IQ is the strongest predictor of which field you can get into and hold a job in, whether you can be an accountant, lawyer or nurse, for example.
14. Emotional intelligence begins to develop in the earliest years. All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages.
15. We need to re-create boundaries. When you carry a digital gadget that creates a virtual link to the office, you need to create a virtual boundary that didn’t exist before.
16. The book is a dialogue between The Dalai Lama and a group of scientists about how we can better handle our destructive emotions and how to overcome them.
17. I don’t think focus is in itself ever a bad thing. But focus of the wrong kind, or managed poorly, can be.
18. But once you are in that field, emotional intelligence emerges as a much stronger predictor of who will be most successful, because it is how we handle ourselves in our relationships that determines how well we do once we are in a given job.
19. Brain studies of mental workouts in which you sustain a single, chosen focus show that the more you detach from what’s distracting you and refocus on what you should be paying attention to, the stronger this brain circuitry becomes.
20. When I went on to write my next book, Working With Emotional Intelligence, I wanted to make a business case that the best performers were those people strong in these skills.