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  1. I’d never dance at school discos, I couldn’t believe people could show themselves like that.
  2. There have been occasions when some people have taken me very seriously.
  3. Once you get it in your head you’re finished with something, to go back, it hurts.
  4. My maw died when I was 20. You tune into the radio or the telly and life goes on. Things keep on happening. The world doesnae stop.
  5. I don’t really get angry any more.
  6. Actually, I just want to entertain people. Put that in my obituary, a final picture, all dark in the background.
  7. Me, you could stick me in solitary confinement for 100 years and I’d be fine.
  8. I love saying terrible things. Things that I think are terrible and I’ve gotten in to trouble in the past — just hearing it come out of my mouth or seeing it typed and seeing it out there — something terrible that in real life isn’t funny.
  9. I mean, maybe I’m alternative in that my stuff’s not mainstream, doesn’t want to be mainstream, could never be mainstream.
  10. People are so quick to get offended.
  11. A guy playing pool in a pub once said to me that they should put me on the telly. It went in one ear and out the other. But then I started thinking about it. I wondered how it all worked, did you have to be best mates with someone at the BBC who you went to uni with in Oxford?
  12. If I call myself an actor, it sounds like I’m trying to pass myself off as someone who went to drama school.
  13. If the Internet went down or there was no telly I would be ‘oh no, oh no.’
  14. I’ve been told to ‘man up’ after talking about depression on Twitter. Man up means ‘be strong because that’s what a man is.’ And they don’t just mean physical strength, they mean emotional strength. What, because men get into fights or go to wars to fight? It should be ‘woman up.’
  15. I never made my website to try and get anywhere, it was just a laugh.
  16. I’ve never cooked a great meal.
  17. Going to a pub when you’re not drinking is pretty boring.
  18. I felt I was a bit switched off for years, not really caring about things. I don’t know if that’s depression or whatever, but I was thinking ‘I might. Aye I will. No, I willnae’ as far as getting a second series goes.
  19. I’ve just got a really sick sense of humour that’s separate from reality.
  20. The very first time I did stand-up, that was terrifying.

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